He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
