just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
