Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
