I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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