I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
