Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
