so that wasnt chicken after all
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
