He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
