I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
