Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that's an acceptable place to lick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
