And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
