What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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