would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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