She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
