Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
