i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
