where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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