Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize