My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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