I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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