Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
