im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
