That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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