Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
