I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize