You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
