i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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