I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Porn is love you can see.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize