Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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