He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
