It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
