I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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