med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
