my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
