Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
