i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
