Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
