She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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