Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
