At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
