Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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