i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize