yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Even my vagina gasped.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
