Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My bed is full of blood and feathers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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