well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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