you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
