Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
someone owes me an orgasm
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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