yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
