first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
operation harelip BJ is a go
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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