we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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