im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
