I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
