Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
