Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize