Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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