it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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