I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize