GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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