It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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