I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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