NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
