so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
