My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
