What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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