whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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