i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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