In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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