hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
