i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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