Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
