how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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