hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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