You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
