It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
