her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
