I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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