I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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